Tuesday, May 6, 2014

stalking my stalker daughter

If ever there were a reluctant conscious riven stalker - that would be Mahala, my fave and only child. The guileless pleasure of a quick walk about with the driven intent to celebrity sight-see gets her all knotted up - torn between guilt and. . .  .well. . . .pleasure of course! 

I on the other hand have absolutely no qualms regarding this matter. I believe one of the most fun things to do in major hubs like Manila, London or New York City is [1] reading that a fave celeb is in town; [2] finding out as much as possible about this; and [3] getting to meet them – up close and personal.

Unfortunately, between the paparazzi and smart phones this simple pleasure has grown terribly complex. Especially when compounded by the ever present attendant threat of legal action and that fine line between fun and overstepping bounds.

Lucky for us amateurs there are open source sites such as wikiHow that provide us with helpful step by step breakdowns on “how to sneak up on and get to know a famous person without ending up behind bars.”

So watch and learn from my experience – as evidenced in these series of images documenting my stalking practice time with Mahala as my guinea pig. 

Oh joy - happy hunting to us all!  

1. The most obvious first step is to email the person directly. 
Duh! Easy peasy, she's my child - hello! I have all her online info - YAY! 

2. Offer something of use to them. 
Ha! easier even - the obvious choice for my one and only is FOOD! 

3. Find their freely available address.
What a no-brainer! When Mahala's in town guess where she stays? with ME! 

4. Find basic information about them offline. 
What do you think all those "deep and meaningful" mother/daughter talks are for? 

5. Use a service (paid) to find their cell phone number or their agent's number. 
No need to fork up more bucks since I pay for her phone! 

6. Post any photos of the celebrity you find on your Facebook page and tag them in it. 
Done! Done! Done! from when she was a nub in my belly to now! 

7. Show up at a recorded or live show where they will be. 
Are you inferring I'm not a good mother? Especially in this day and age where I can do this all on my phone? 

8. Send a product in the mail. 
Why bother with checks or money orders when there's PayPal? Really! 

In case you are going to try this on someone not as easily manipulated or indebted to you - here are some additional advice from wikiHow

  • Always, always, tell them you will stop communicating with them if they ever desire. Celebrities like this and may just make a friend out of you when they hear it.
  • Do not beg. No one likes a beggar.
  • Be genuine in all communication or appearance.
  • Do not get discouraged when they do not reply at first. Keep it up.
  • Treat the celebrity like a real, actual person. The worst thing you can do is treat them like a god, and no one is a god, and no one likes being treated that way; celebrities included.
  • Do not pander (the opposite of flatter). No one likes a person who talks down to others.
  • Do not exit your vehicle if you see your celebrity.
  • Do not request to meet a celebrity anywhere; you must make a "random" appearance.
  • If you meet your celebrity, act calm, not excited, as if you recognize this is a real person. Famous people do not always want to be treated as famous people.
  • Do not take photos (could lead to arrest, especially in Los Angeles) 

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